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EMPOWERING IMMIGRANT YOUTH AND THEIR ALLIES
UNLOCKING IMMIGRANT YOUTH'S ACCESS TO LEGAL SERVICES, LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT AND LEARNING OPPORTUNITIES IN A SPACE OWNED RUN AND GOVERNED BY THE YOUTH.
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ATLAS:DIY BLOG

August 21, 2013
How to Identify an Undocumented American

I created this guide to serve as a parody of the stereotypes we see in the mainstream media.



The guide is broken down into four handy sections: 1) how undocumented Americans look, 2) activities they engage in, 3) their interests, and 4) their opinions. By the time you finish reading this, you should be able to spot an undocumented American wherever you go.


What does an Immigrant look like?

Contrary to popular stereotypes, undocumented Americans are not all Hispanic. In fact, recent studies show that Asian immigrants outnumber Hispanic counterparts in many states. Here are a few groups you should look out for:

  • Asian
  • Hispanic
  • European
  • Middle Eastern
  • African
  • Canadian




Basically, unless someone has an American flag tattooed on their face, he or she is probably an undocumented Immigrant. (Disclaimer: we do not recommend or support facial tattoos).



Face Flag Tattoo


Clothing

Immigrants are highly recognizable due to their peculiar clothing choices.  In the summer, look out for people wearing shorts, tank tops and baseball hats. Multiple reports have also shown that immigrants prefer sandals in the summer, if the weather permits it.



(Probably an undocumented) Child playing at the beach.

(Probably an undocumented) Child playing at the beach.





In the winter, immigrants often adopt a completely different garb – tricky! Be on the lookout for fluffy looking jackets and thick, heavy coats – especially if they look like they were made abroad. Again, you can often tell who is an immigrant by looking at their feet: if they’re wearing boots and it is snowing: they’re likely an immigrant.



Finally, we’ve seen immigrants on multiple occasions carrying large tarp-like contraptions held together by a metal rod as protection from the rain. While it is unclear where they obtain these strange devices, our studies have found there is a solid 3.6% chance someone carrying one of these in the rain is undocumented.


Activities

Unfortunately, immigrants participate in a wide variety of activities depending on the time of the year. Luckily, our research has shown they do behave in very predictable ways all year round.

Summer

In the summer, immigrants are 58% more likely to visit the beach with their families. They’ll often carry beach umbrellas, towels, and the occasional beach volleyball with them.



Other summer immigrant activities include trips to the park, outdoor movies, bike rides, and going to the pool. Rubber floaters are a dead giveaway (especially among children) because, as CBC reports, many immigrants can’t swim.

Finally, pewhispanic.org reports that there are approximately 2 million undocumented immigrants under the age of 18 in the United States, many of whom attend national public schools. With numbers like these, it’s pretty safe to assume any child carrying a heavy backpack full of books is likely an undocumented American.


Winter

Also (probably) undocumented. [Original Image from: http://www.fingerlakestravelmaven.com/]

Also (probably) undocumented.
[Original Image from: http://www.fingerlakestravelmaven.com/ ]

Winter activities among Undocumented Americans are a little less predictable, simply because of how much they vary between different groups. However, our research has uncovered a few activities that are pretty much “dead giveaways” that someone is an immigrant:

  • Ice Skating
  • Snowball Fights (especially if there is snow on the ground)
  • Netflix



Interests

It is important to note that, unlike the rest of this article, this section is based wholly on primary research and our own data findings. The sample-size varies, but is generally too small to be considered absolutely scientific in nature. That being said, we’re confident that the following are good indicators of a person’s legal status:


Career

Again, this is a little tricky. Immigrants don’t all aspire to work in one job category, but here are a few that we’ve found interest many immigrants:

  • Business
  • Non-profits
  • Legal (especially immigration law)
  • Social Work
  • Accounting
  • Tech sector
  • Sales
  • Serving in the military

In fact, our research shows that if you are currently in any of the above career fields, there is a 98% chance you or one of your ancestors is an immigrant.


Movies

Here are a few movies that interest undocumented immigrants:

  • The Avengers
  • Hunger Games
  • Pitch Perfect
  • Twilight
  • Argo
  • Despicable Me 2

You’ll notice that there is a lot of variety here. No insights, we’re as baffled as you are as to how anyone could like Twilight and The Avengers.


Other Activities

  • Netflix
  • Reading
  • Video Games

You’ll notice that Netflix was mentioned twice already in this article. This raises questions about the company’s involvement in the immigrant community. In fact, there are rumors that Netflix founder Reed Hastings is a big immigration reform fan.


Opinions

Finally, immigrants are very often recognizable by the opinions they hold. According to our internal research, here are a few popular immigrant opinions:

  • Racial profiling is bad
  • Immigration status should not affect your ability to obtain an education
  • Mila Kunis has been robbed too many times for the number one spot in AskMen’s top 100 attractive women



Conclusions

By now you should have a good idea of what to look out for when searching for immigrants in your community.

Obviously this was a parody post to bring attention to the stereotypes people have about immigrants. The truth is, immigrants wear jeans and t-shirts and look just like you. There are about a million undocumented Americans in New York alone; you probably live next to, or are friends with, at least one undocumented immigrant. We’re not strange outsiders – we’re here and we’re working hard to make a living, just like you.

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